i can't sleep.

these nights actually happen pretty often.
owl city puts it perfectly.
'im far too tired to fall asleep.'
I figured I'd see how convenient it is to write a post on my phone.
its really not very convenient. I can't type as fast on my phone. someday.

I had an interesting convo with some people today. about my past. more specifically, people in my past.

its been 5 years, and I couldn't care less. I see you & I smile because you're a great friend now. we've changed so much, sometimes I feel like I'm getting to know an entirely new person when we hang out. its fun. I'm happy for you.

its been 2 years. to the date. and I do care. I care a lot. still. and it sucks. I see you, but only in my mind. only in dreams, & nightmares, & sometimes I look at old pictures. the ones I have left anyway. the ones I don't think ill ever be able to delete. we've changed so much. but you don't talk to me anymore. I have to thank you for that. for being the strong one. I couldn't ever do it.

but I'm not happy for you.
I want to be, but I know you. I know what you're capable of. and you deserve much more. much more then I ever could have given you. atleast it was more then...that.
why did it have to be you. ugh.

I wonder if a girl ever really gets over her first love. I know she gets to the point where she lives day to day happy & carefree, but he's still in the back of your mind. you still think about him from time to time.

where's the erase button for life?